FIRST TIME MUM

Nothing quite prepares you for the experience of being a mum.  You have carried your beautiful little child inside of you for 9 ½ months and are so very excited to meet him/her that little thought is put into how you are going to cope after they are born.

We do our ante natal classes for the birth preparation, we prepare our homes with furniture and clothing, but what do we do as mothers to prepare us for the life changing experience.

My experience is very little.  When do we stop to take a moment and realise what we have accomplished by growing inside of us this amazing little human being, when do we stop to celebrate the birth process for what it was (it brought our baby into the world, under a range of different circumstances, however the ultimate goal was to have your baby in this world).

I have found that we go from one task to the next not recognising the amazing steps and feets we have accomplished before us. 

I would love to see all mums stop and celebrate the arrival of there child, but also of upmost importance celebrate their bravery and harrowing efforts to bring into this world a healthy baby.  Even if all we can spare is 5 minutes one day to do a small ceremony of gratitude or thanks.

We then move onto the process of being a mum.  This is a life changing experience, we have never been a mum before.  We are released from the hospital without a owners manual and without a licence to drive.  We stumble along the way and learn to find our feet and communicate and connect with our baby.

I have found that through the experience of having a baby my life will never be the same again.  For me, this is a great thing and the new life I look forward to.  However I believe it is ok to grieve your old life, and have sorrow that it is gone.  It is ok to have times where you question everything and anything as you are not sure what you are doing or have done.  This time is a fabulous time for growth and opportunity not to lose your identity as a woman, but have the opportunity to form a new one.

My experience initially was to want to hang on to my old identity as I “knew who I was”.  I tried to hold onto my expectations of myself as a mother, lover, friend and a myriad of other roles I played in life.  However this caused my sadness, and difficulty adjusting, it seemed that I was going against the flow.  So in realising this I made a conscious choice, all I knew was that I needed to do life differently.  I made the choice to put everything in my life down (let go of the old, review what was important to me, what are my new values and priorities) and then pick up again the things I wanted in my life knowing that they would be different from that day forward.

This was a sense of finally allowing my life to occur rather that forcing, making and pushing things to happen.  It is through motherhood that I have had the realisation that it is ok to embrace my femininity and identity as a woman and allow life to flow.  Those parts of my old identity no longer served me.

I would encourage all mothers to reflect on are they allowing themselves to mother or forcing, are you allowing your own process or holding onto expectations and old beliefs. 

After having my first baby I am grateful for she has taught me so much already.  I have learnt flexibility in life again.  And that I do not have to conform to today’s society of needing to be goal driven, to be super mum or G.I. Jane. 

I encourage all mothers to review what is important in their lives now and please know it is ok to do things differently.  You are a new person, allow that person to shine.  You now have an amazing new capacity, more than you ever thought you may have.

It is ok to have sad times and grieve.  It is ok to find learning to be a mother difficult; you have never done this before.  Give yourself the space to be free.  Please take even 5 minutes a day to be thankful for the experience and meditate on what a wonderful mother you are and what a wonderful job you are doing. Because you are in every way (it is you that is sustaining this child, feeding this child, cleaning this child.  They are fully dependent on you and look at just how well they are doing.  This is a direct reflection of the amazing job you are doing as a mother).

I have had the great benefit of having people I can call on for support, life coaches and other mums.  This has allowed me to look back at myself and realise where I am at and that it is ok.

If you are seeking support in this area, contact:
www.powerintolife.com